Ahh the Flashbacks….

In the summer of 2010 while at work, I was helping out behind the bar and going through my fast pace of from one person to another I happened upon one of my sisters. SHIT! was all I could think of in an instant.
I had to maintain control, I haven’t talked with this person in a while now and things were really starting to get strained between all of them and myself by this time. I looked her straight in the eye and with a smile on my face said “hey! what can I get ya?”  I am at work, I have to maintain and keep my cool.
She tells me what she wants in a robotic curt way, and then tells me in an almost nice way “not to hurt her” meaning making her a stiff drink cause she thinks she is special. I giggle to myself thinking I could do worse then…… Well never mind.
I turn to go make her drink and SHIT now I have to wait my turn at the station. Now I have to make small talk. Awkward moment. Suddenly I remember reading  something online on a local BBS board that she had stated about how happy she was to be working downtown again.
So make small talk. “So I hear you are working downtown again, great for you!” trying my best to sound upbeat about it.
With the curt still in her voice she tells me “yes, at the fudge shop”. Nothing else. I stand there and all I can think of is “would these girls get out of my way so I can make this drink, so she can go away?!?!”
I say my goofy giggly voice, truly this is what it sounded like to me as I was so uncomfortable by the tone she was using on me. It made me so nervous. I make the comment,  something along the lines of “well cool, and you are at least in an air conditioned room huh?  Should have left out the huh? part as that opened me up to more conversation with her.
My turn to make her drink and as I am going at it, she barks at me “that’s enough” just as my hand was coming down with the bottle. Still trying to tell me what to do and how to do it. God I just want her to go away.
As I am bringing her drink to her I am still talking about how the heat is and I am really glad she works in a cooler place now instead of a hot kitchen. I hand her drink over and through the tone she snaps “it’s a chocolate shop, they HAVE to have air conditioning!”
Ummm ok, I reach for her money and still in nervous mode, try to make myself look like the air head that they all think I am! I slap myself on side of  head and say “oh but duh!!!”
Hand her back her change and she turns to walk away. That’s it, nothing more. It is so obvious that I mean nothing to this person anymore. I turn away and head to the back to gather myself as my guts are churning and my heart is breaking. And I still have to work and maintain that professional manner. When all I want to do is scream out WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO MAKE YOU BE SO MEAN TO ME?!?!?!
I don’t know if she ever tipped me.

I hate these flashbacks with the big meanie’s as I like to think of them now. It is getting better somewhat, if I can just get control like I did this morning when this one thing played in my head.
It makes me so sad and I let the tears fall when they came. One, two, three maybe four and wait for it…. Put in front of scene and say to self, “would you have these people as friends?”
Absolutely NOT!
Tears dry up, pull self together and look around to see what is really important and deal with that and not give the big meanie’s another second of your time.

LittleSister