Avoidance

Never did make the wedding. Am a little sad about it.  Did not make up my mind until that afternoon. I went through the clothes and talked myself into going it solo. Husband bad sick, had already missed a couple days work so he got to weasel. I tried on outfits and set my mind going until I literally talked myself out of going! I almost let a panic attack take over but I got a grip and let my husband know why I was not going. Not going to lie about it anymore, I just don’t want to deal with any weirdness, alone.
That was it, I did not want to see them. That is how I refer to my estranged sisters now. Not family, not friends.  Just them.
I have found myself scanning parking lots lately. I just want to be ready if I run into them.
I would rather just completely avoid being around them. I noticed the other day while going to the store with my husband. As I got out of the car I guess I made a funny “hummmm” noise. When asked what I was thinking, I told him I thought it strange how I did not scan the lot. I explained what I had been doing lately and how I felt with him being with me, that there was strength in numbers.
He looked at me and said yes, yes there is.

I just don’t like being around mean, angry  and ugly people. Alone.

Little Sister

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