I told my son today that one of my biggest flaws was feeling sorry for myself. Today is one of those days. It is an awful feeling knowing that there are people out there who I gave some much time and energy to, that I will never get back in return. They lied to me and believed them and now I am nothing to them.
What makes me the saddest today is my son, knowing that I stood up and told all of them fuck off, is the one being left out. But does he really need to be around such mean people?
It is the strangest feeling wondering why I am so awful that one sister couldn’t find it in her heart to call me and ask if I wanted to attend our uncles (man I’m named after) funeral. She is only 3 hours away, put differences aside and attend a funeral like a family should. Right whatever. I read about his funeral on the day it happened! At least with this death someone bothered to call me and tell me. They just forgot to let me know when. I wonder as she sat in that room with a child molester, ex-convict, drunks and druggies if she thought of me. Yep and I am the bad one.
We have had really bad car issues lately. A few weeks ago were were limping a long on one car while the other was in the shop. Praying sure didn’t help in this matter as the only one we had brakes failed. My husband managed to get it to a shop about 2 miles from our house and he walked home. When the latter car was ready I could not stand for my husband to have to walk alone to go get it. I walked the 2 miles with him cause I felt guilty for moving him here, knowing there are two sisters in this same fucking town and could I call them to come help? Ummm no, I had told them to fuck off! I hate mean people.
Car issues again today, we don’t have the money and next week we have to go back into the big city for my child’s pre-surgery appointment. Can I call anyone for help? Nope there is no one to call for a simple ride. My son is the one I am feeling sorry for today, not just myself.
He asked since all this car repairs are going to be so much if it meant he would not be able to attend a film school camp this summer. He was so sweet about it, no fit throwing. They are so missing out on such a cool kid. I feel guilty and helpless during times like this. Maybe if I hadn’t stood up for myself, maybe if I would have just taken the abuse.
I hate mean people.
Me, no ones sister….