just tryin to be myself, better me than someone else!

that bad flaw of mine, just can’t seem to pull my self up out of the yuck! I do feel sorry for myself mother fuckers, I have done nothing wrong. Period.

I keep flashing back to-

I told this one sister who came to help pack during our last move that  I had a stack of clothes and towels  I wanted her to use to pack my china. She offered to help and I jumped! She seemed to be ok with the packing of important stuff, I wanted her to know the help was indeed appreciated!
She shows up with a crate full of newspapers to pack in. I try to explain why I want to use the clean cloth packing items and you know just because she brought that crate in, she did what she wanted and I ended up having to washing all the glass ware stuff that was covered in newspaper yuck. Not to mention extra boxes to carry the clothes?  None of this makes a lick of sense. And if you even voice any type of difference or question. That is how they made me feel, all of them. Emotional Abusers they are. Bullies. It was my china….

Reality check, my son is having some medical issues, do I really want mean people in his life?

Gotta pull myself up and stand up. My son needs me now. I don’t want him around mean ass people any way. Remembering things they have done, like that helps.  He is such a sweet and aloof  young man. Quiet and kind. Cool is how I like to describe him. If I ever did anything right in my life is my one cool teenager. We are fixin to go on the biggest ride of our 15 years together. We are the family. We have to hold each other and I am scared. There is only one other person in the world who knows what unknown horror I feel right now, she knows what my stomach is going through, my heart…. I am feeling sick.

My son and I have our moments, he knows when I am in pain and he know when to say he is sorry. He shows me love and I try to teach him about empathy. I tell him, he is perfect because he is.  He loves me and accepts me for how I am. I got a Mohawk at 43 and discovered Marilyn Manson at 48. What’s wrong with that? My guys, they like me and they think I am cool.

A human being

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.