The Rotten Kid

I have always been happy for what my sister has done with her life and where she is and what she accomplished esp coming from were we did. There has never been an ounce of jealousy, just embarrassment on my part cause I could never get that far up. I made too many mistakes and been with a loser or two. But I never wished for what she had, I wished that I could have given more or done more for her when it came to helping our mom. So all I could do was work my ass off and do what they told me to do.
I never went out and did “bad” things to piss her off. I never went and ran with the big bad boys to make her life miserable. It was my life and she and I were so far apart. I once told her that I would be glad for when the day came that she got to spend her money on herself instead of mom and me. I meant it. I was not hoping for our mom to die, I just saw how much we always cost her and I was embarrassed.
I wish that from her high throne she could look down and just see me as a good person who just lives the best way a person can, who cares is I am covered in tattoos and who cares if we don’t drive new cars. But instead she what she wants to see, that rotten kid that she hates and is probably glad to be done with me. Even now being with a good man and raising a good kid and we work for what we have. It’s not a race to be better or the badder for me. I just live and try to be kind and teach my kid to be kind, it’s all I have.

I called the monument place today hoping I could get the headstone fixed on my own or maybe it was under warranty. No such luck, and it will cost $75 of which we can’t spare being so close to Christmas. And he tells me probably the drain plug got stopped up and that can cause it to crack. Fuck really? great my fault again cause I probably did it trying to keep the flowers in that I took out there. I am a 48 yr old rotten kid causing trouble once again. I didn’t mean to…..

The rotten little sister

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